Narcissism – Not My Problem?
You’ve probably heard the ancient myth about the Greek youth Narcissus. According to the legend, Narcissus is so enamored with his own reflection, he can’t pull himself away, even for basic things like food and water. Within a few days, this leads to his premature death. Nowadays, as a result, whenever we see someone infatuated with self, we call this narcissism.
Though it usually isn’t fatal in the same way, we all realize that narcissism is a problem. You may know a Boastful Bob who tends to bulldoze carelessly through social situations, leaving a trail of carnage. Or maybe you know a Self-pitying Sam, who’s debilitated by the smallest molehill, constantly lamenting how terrible life is. Perhaps you’re bothered most of all by Stubborn Stanley, who always insists his instincts and opinions are right, and who never tries to empathize with others. Narcissism takes many different forms.
But narcissism isn’t just a problem in others. It’s our problem – both individually and as a society. It has become normal to be preoccupied with our own ambitions and priorities. And as we’ve perceive that more people are focused on their own self-advancement, we often question, “Do people out there really have my best interest in mind? Or are they just trying to manipulate me through advertising or fearmongering?” The more concerned we grow about preserving our self-interests, the more self-focused and Narcissistic we ourselves become, and the disease worsens. The contagion spreads.
So what’s the solution? How can we be sure that we’re not adding to the Narcissism problem that’s playing itself out in our politics, our workplaces, and our personal life? How can you and I be freed from our unreasonable and unattractive obsession with self?
What’s Not Working
Ironically, at the same time that people are mourning the rise of social fragmentation due to narcissism, they’re promoting a cultural philosophy that intensifies the problem. Popular “wisdom” says you and I should reject cultural norms and pursue our personal passions – if someone hands you a compass, you should throw it away and instead “follow your heart.” In other words, we’re told that the path to my happiness is to focus on ME.
But does this really work? Has the modern philosophy of “self-love,” “self-determination” and “self-defining” really made our world better? Are families healthier? Are our neighborhoods friendlier? Are people actually happier? Or has all this focus on me-me-me just made us more selfish, more cynical, and more confused about what’s good and right for us than ever before?
The reason that our society struggles with anxiety, arrogance, and anger isn’t because we pay too little attention to ourselves. The problem is we pay too much attention. Many people have removed a formal concept of God or religion from life and have replaced it with self-adoration, self-worship, and self-service. But filling ourselves with self can’t ultimately sustain us. And like Narcissus, if we remain fixated on self instead of seeking true food and water for our souls from a real encounter with God, we’ll starve ourselves to death.
Our deep-rooted narcissism is one possible reason why there’s been a recent decline in people affiliating with religious groups. It’s not because something like Christianity is unreasonable. It’s not because Jesus Christ is perceived as morally bad or scandalous. But at the end of the day, people just don’t want to stop being their own God. They would rather sit by the pool, continuing to gaze at the ugliness of their self-fascination than lift their eyes to the everlasting beauty of true divinity.
A Hard Saying
The Bible gives instructions about where we should be gazing. “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4).
The eternal realities of things above are a steadier reference point than our fluctuating emotions and desires. One glimpse of the heavenly glory of Christ is more precious and pleasing than a thousand glances at our dim reflection in earthly puddles. A life lived in service to Christ is more safe and satisfying than a hundred lifetimes grasping blindly for self-fulfillment and gratification.
You should not expect to like everything about God the first time you encounter him. In our narcissism, we want a God who looks like us – who likes what we like – who feels the same way we feel. But God is different from us. He often tells us things we don’t want to hear, and asks us to do things that seem uncomfortable and unnatural. But he speaks in love. He speaks because our self-absorption is like an infected, ingrown nail – and He wants to call us out of our idolatry. He wants to heal us. He wants to save us.
The Path out of Narcissism
And as we take steps of faith, trusting in the goodness of God’s Word, we learn something important. We learn to esteem God as our king, and to renounce our rebellion against His authority. We learn to trust that God will secure our eternal well-being instead of trying alone to preserve our self-interests. We learn that the life of greatest satisfaction and self-actualization isn’t actually a self-focused life at all, but a life lived in humble reliance on Christ.
The only way to be healed of our narcissism is to have our sight captured by someone greater – someone who displays self-humbling care for the lost and hurting, someone who trains us in self-sacrificial love toward friend and foe alike. Someone who models selfless devotion to God. We need Jesus.
So turn your eyes away from watching your reflection in the pool. Leave the emptiness of self-adoration and self-fulfillment. And instead come to the cross. Adore the Savior. And find your fullness in Him.
