What Does Jesus Teach about Marriage and Divorce?

Introduction: Divorce and Discipleship

This morning we’ll be continuing our sermon series through the book of Mark, which gives an account of Jesus’s life. And over the past several months, we’ve not only seen evidence of Jesus’s identity as the Christ and the Son of God – but in recent weeks we’ve also seen practical implications of what this means for us. We’ve been urged to faith – to say “I believe, help my unbelief!” And as a practical outworking of our faith, we should deny ourselves, follow him, and seek the true greatness of humility (even when he teaches on issues like divorce, as we’ll see this morning).

And Jesus is seeking to promote this same, humble posture in our text this morning. But he does so in a rather unexpected way. So if you haven’t already, please turn with me to Mark, Chapter 10:1-12. But before I read our text, please pray with me:

[Pray and Read Text]

Following or Faking?

On various social media accounts, if you want to follow someone, or a business or something – you just need to push a button. You just push the follow button. And the interesting thing, is that – as a result – you can be following someone or something, even if you don’t really like or care about what they have to say.

And yet when it comes to following Jesus, we can’t do this. There’s no option of just pushing a “Follow button,” and tuning Jesus out, doing your own thing. But in our text, Jesus clarifies that if we’re really going to be in with him and his kingdom – if we’re going to be real followers of Jesus, we need accept what he teaches. We need to embrace it, even when he says things that are culturally unpopular – even when we don’t like what he said, or how he said it.

There’s a really issue out there – many people imagine that they can identify as a follower of Jesus, without actually following and submitting to what he says. They just want to pick and choose whatever words of Jesus they like best. But that’s not what it means to follow him. Following Jesus requires humility and submission. Following Jesus means we need to listen to his directions. Following Jesus means, when we consider His Word, that’s what we align with. That’s not just the expectation for an elite group of super-Christians. But that’s the baseline of what it means to live rightly in a relationship with Jesus.

As Mark has been telling us about Jesus’s life – this section continues to be filled with teaching on what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. For someone who has trusted in Jesus, to be saved from sin – this text tells us what a life of faith and following is supposed to look like. And, here, in Chapter 10, Jesus helps us to see that following him means we need to follow his word. And this even relates to specific points of his ethical teaching – teachings about things like marriage and divorce.

Of course, I recognize that a sermon on marriage and divorce – it might be challenging for some of you here. Maybe you’ve gone through divorce. You may have lingering feelings of sadness, or shame, possibly.  Or others of you here may be in a struggling marriage right now – or you might desire to be married, but you aren’t. It could just be that you have a hard time with what Jesus says, here. This may not be an easy sermon to listen to.

But this is a part of following Jesus. The things he has to say to us – they may not always be easy. But they are good. Jesus is a good leader to his followers. You can always count on that. His goal isn’t to leave us, languishing, in our past. But he speaks here to lead us on right paths going forward. His words aren’t for tearing us down, but for building us up. So as we unpack the text, we can expect to receive good things regarding Jesus’s ethics, his authority, and how it impacts us.

I’d like to work through the matters in our text under four points. First, we’ll consider the allowances given for divorce. Second, we’ll look at the enduring of the marriage bond. Third, we’ll see Jesus speaking to the issue of adultery. And then fourth, and finally, we’ll consider the importance of marital faithfulness. These will be our four points.

The Allowances Given for Divorce

So first, let’s consider the allowances given for divorce.

In our text, we’re told that Jesus left the region of Galilee, and he went south, to the region of Judea, and beyond the Jordan. And crowds again began to gather around him. So at the end of verse 1, we’re told, that “again, as was his custom, he [Jesus] taught them. Mark points out that Jesus’s primary work wasn’t actually his miracles and healings. But he clarifies that Jesus’s custom – his regular practice – was to teach. That was the main emphasis of his ministry. Jesus has already said this explicitly back in Mark 1, verse 38. Jesus’s ministry is mainly a preaching ministry, accompanied by signs – not a miracle ministry, or a religious rites ministry, accompanied by a few words.

But as Jesus teaches, verse 2 tells us that a number of Pharisees in the crowd come up to him – and they ask him a question to test him. Now, remember – the Pharisees were a group of Jewish scribes and teachers. And most of the Jews considered them to be the leading voices on how to correctly understand the Old Testament. And yet even among the Pharisees – which was a rather broad group – there were different schools of interpretation – one was called the house of Hillel, and the other the house of Shammai. So Pharisees didn’t always agree with one another.

And one of the main issues that these two schools of the Pharisees disagreed on was how to understand lawful divorce. The house of Hillel had a very permissive attitude toward divorce – kind of like the no-fault divorce policy that exists in Michigan. If there’s any desire, any displeasure, a marriage can simply be terminated. That was the House of Hillel. But the house of Shammai was a bit stricter. Pharisees in that camp argued that divorce was only legitimate in certain situations.

And so in verse 2, these Pharisees who come to test Jesus – they’re trying to figure out what school he’s in. Whose side is he on? And so they ask, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

Well, Jesus responds by asking them to summarize their understanding of God’s law. When God revealed his law, hundreds of years earlier, through his prophet Moses – what did he say about divorce? The Pharisees reply in verse 4, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”

Now where do they get that? Well, the Pharisees, here, are referring to an earlier part of the Bible – to Deuteronomy Chapter 24, verses 1 through 4. And in those verses, Moses describes a situation where a man finds some form of indecency in his wife, and so that man writes a certificate of divorce and sends his wife out of the house. Now, the Pharisees pointed at this, and they assumed that must make divorce lawful. God must not have any issue with it. These Jews thought that if a man is displeased for any reason with his wife – if he doesn’t like her meals, if he grows dissatisfied with her looks, or whatever, he can get out whenever he wants. He just has to fill out the right paperwork. He just has to get his certificate in order – and then it’s fine. That’s what the Pharisees thought, based on their reading of the law.

But if you look back at the text of Deuteronomy 24, the Pharisees were missing the point. The purpose of the command, wasn’t to defend the lawfulness of divorce. But actually, its purpose was to discourage people from using divorce in a careless or manipulative way. The reason why a man divorcing his wife was obligated to write her a certificate was to provide legal protection for the divorced woman. This protected the estranged wife from false accusations of immorality or adultery, if she married another man. She had documented proof of her husband divorcing her. And if she married that second time, but the second man divorced her or died, the first husband was prohibited from taking her back. This was to prevent women from being passed around like property. So the original intent of the command was to protect marriage, rather than to promote divorce.

And that’s the point Jesus is making back in this morning’s text – In Mark 10, verse 5. He explains that this commandment was written, “Because of your hardness of heart” – because God recognized that among sinners, there would be situations where people didn’t fulfill their marriage commitments. Divorce was going to happen. And that’s why it was necessary to regulate divorce – to restrict its abuses, and to protect the vulnerable. But, Jesus says, God’s original plan was for husband and wife to share a lifelong bond.

The Enduring of the Marriage Bond

And this brings us to the second point in our text – the enduring of the marriage bond. It’s at this point that Jesus breaks from the schools of the Pharisees, from both Hillel, and from Shammai. And instead of arguing for what constitutes a lawful divorce based on the text of Deuteronomy 24, Jesus anchors his argument in an even more foundational way. He goes back to Genesis. And Jesus says that before we can understand divorce correctly, we need to understand God’s initial design for marriage.

In verse 6, Jesus lays the groundwork for marriage by referring to the very first chapter in the Bible, Genesis 1, verse 27. He points out that when God made humanity, he made them “male and female.” These two categories have been God’s design for human sexuality since the beginning, and Jesus indicates that this also aligns with God’s design for marriage – one male, and one female. And that’s why, with this in mind, Jesus goes on to quote from Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

And what Jesus is doing here, is he’s explaining that there’s something wonderful and mysterious that happens in the marriage bond. The two people come together physically and relationally – and the two become one flesh. And this isn’t just a metaphor. There really is a special union that husband and wife share – there’s a real change that takes place. Just as Jesus says at the end of verse 8, “So they are no longer two, but are one flesh.”

And what Jesus points out for us, is that this bond isn’t something manmade. The union here isn’t just a reference to the act of physical intimacy. It’s not merely a temporary connection that exists for as long as the man and wife feel attraction for each other. And it’s not just a legal contract. But it’s a bond mystically established by God himself. And this is why, in verse 9, Jesus says, “What therefore, God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Just let those words sink in. Do you hear what Jesus is saying? When a man and wife come together in marriage – not just for people in the Church, but marriage is something given to humanity, as part of the created order – in marriage, God joins husband and wife together. This is a very unique type of relationship. Something heavy and wonderful happens.

And Jesus insists – what, therefore, God has joined together – let not man separate! Because if you do violence against the marriage bond, you’re attacking a special work of God. Trying to undo what God has joined together is an act of rebellion against him. And so if we’re really serious about honoring God, Jesus says we need to have a high regard for marriage. This is why we can’t just label marriage as a human construct, or downplay the moral significance of it. There’s absolutely an ethical standard for marriage, not only because of how important it is for human flourishing, but especially because of how marriage involves a special work of God. And so Jesus emphasizes, before we can rightly consider the question of divorce, we need to take seriously the enduring nature of marriage.

This was, of course, necessary for the Pharisees to hear. Because many of them, and many of the Jews at that time, had the wrong attitude. There was a desire on their part to try to figure out – what are permissible ways to get out of marriage? In what situations can a man or woman put down the life boat and abandon ship? They were looking for the exceptions to get around God’s law. They were looking for the loopholes.

But Jesus changes the conversation. And he rightly emphasizes – we shouldn’t be looking for ways to dismantle marriages. We should be looking for ways to defend marriages, and to deepen them.

As a special word to those of you who are married – the bond you have with your spouse isn’t trivial. Don’t take it for granted. Don’t handle it carelessly. But invest in it, whether you’ve been married for 6 days or sixty years. It’s a special institution of God. So insofar as it depends on you, do what you can to nurture your marriage. Work to improve in your communication. Be humble in how you speak. Be considerate of how you spend time and money. Show your spouse how much you care. And I know this can be hard – especially if you’re married to someone who struggles to respond with the same treatment. But ultimately your commitment to marriage shouldn’t depend on the performance of your spouse. But as Christians, our commitment to marriage should be driven by our devotion to God, and our high regard for the marriage bond he has made.

Certainly fostering healthy and happy marriages is advantageous for us, and for society. But more than this, it’s an important way of honoring God and his work. The enduring bond of marriage is something we should prize and preserve. That’s the right starting point that a follower of Christ needs to have.

The Issue of Adultery

In our text, though, as Jesus insisted on the long-term nature of marriage, this left some questions for his hearers – just as it might leave questions for you. Can marriage be ended or not? The common assumption at that time was that the marriage bond could just be turned on or off like a light switch. You just had to have your legal paperwork. But Jesus here was saying that’s not the case. The marriage bond is more enduring than that. And so this left questions about how to understand divorce, remarriage, and the issue of adultery. And so this brings us to my third point – the issue of adultery.

Now, for clarity, here – when we’re talking about the act of adultery, we’re talking about a situation where someone in a marriage bond willingly comes together in a physical, intimate way with some partner other than their lawful spouse. That’s adultery. And the Jews all recognized that adultery was a serious offense. Because it was explicitly forbidden by God’s moral standard. “You shall not commit adultery” is one of the Ten Commandments. In fact, the civil penalty for committing adultery was death, according to Leviticus 20(:10) and Deuteronomy 22(:22-24). This wasn’t something to mess around with.

And so after Jesus describes the lasting significance of the marriage bond, his disciples have questions. Practical questions. So they gather around Jesus while they’re in a lodging house. And they ask him to further explain – it seems, in particular, they want him to explain the impact of what this means for divorce and remarriage.

And so Jesus tells us, in verse 11: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.” And even though under Jewish law, it wasn’t permitted for women to divorce their husbands, under Roman law, women could. And so Jesus speaks to that scenario, too, in verse 12: “And if she – if the wife in a relationship – divorces her husband, and marries another, she commits adultery.

Now how does that work? Because, remember, most Jews thought, when you just filled out the paperwork, and filed for divorce – the marriage was done. There was no more responsibility or connection between that man and woman. Easy as that. But Jesus says that’s not the case. Whoever breaks off the marriage relationship – that person actually isn’t free to have a lawful remarriage. Though from a human vantage point, it might seem like the legal paperwork has ended the relationship – Jesus tells us that before God, there’s still an ongoing marital obligation to have no partner other than that spouse. And that’s why Jesus can say that a man who remarries after divorcing his wife is still guilty of committing adultery. It’s because the enduring bond of marriage can’t be so easily laid aside, like this. There’s no lawful or innocent way for a man to break off his marriage, just so he can go hook up with someone else.

But what about the person who didn’t want the divorce? What about the person who values marriage, but who gets cut off and sent away? As the divorced spouse – can they remarry without being guilty of adultery?

Now, because Jesus reacts so strongly against the Pharisees and their low view of marriage, it might seem as though his answer is no. But as you look at the whole counsel of Scripture, there’s some nuance to all this. In Matthew 19, verse 9, Jesus says something similar – but he adds an important clarification: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Jesus reaffirms that a man who divorces his wife and remarries is committing adultery. But here, he gives an exception – “except for sexual immorality.” He is guilty of adultery unless his wife has already violated the marriage bond by uniting herself physically to another man. In that case, if the marriage can’t be salvaged, Jesus suggests here that lawful divorce and remarriage is permitted. And also, in another part of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:15 indicates that if one spouse abandons the other – that’s also a situation where the innocent party is free to divorce and remarry. In both of these types of cases – an unrepentant, unfaithful spouse is effectively rendered dead to the other. And this releases the faithful spouse to remarry. And so historically, these have been the two Biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage recognized by Protestant Christians – adultery and desertion – things that belong to these two things.

So don’t misunderstand Jesus’s words. He’s not universally declaring that every instance of remarriage after divorce is adulterous. He’s not saying that being divorced, or marrying a previously divorced person is inherently scandalous. But at the same time, Jesus clearly says that many divorces are scandalous. By and large, many instances of divorce and remarriage end in adultery – and they’re sinful.

And this can be hard a word to hear. Especially, if you or someone you respect has divorced under these types of circumstances. And for many people, these types of teachings from the Bible – they just sound harsh or judgmental. And so people just want to run away. But that’s not the reason why Jesus speaks with moral clarity on these issues. Whenever he exposes our evil and calls us out on it, it’s not to drive you and I away. He isn’t rejecting you. But he’s actually calling you to reject your sin. He’s urging you to repent, to turn to him from whatever way you’ve been going wrong. And he wants you to see that he can do something you can’t do. He’s willing and able to give you a clean record. Though your life is stained darker than a moonless midnight, if you trust in Jesus, he can make you right with God.

Jesus exposes our sin, not to leave us in the gutter, but to lead us to his grace. It’s a kindness that he’s doing. And this should be on our minds, whenever the Bible, or a Christian friend corrects us and cares for us enough to turn us to God’s truth. This is what we need, for our spiritual health, and growth, and usefulness. We don’t have to defend ourselves. But we can receive correction as a kindness, that points us back to Jesus.

The Importance of Marital Faithfulness

I suppose some people may wonder, though – practically speaking – why does Jesus care so much about the marriage bond? Why did God make such a big deal of it? Why does it hold such a significant place in God’s moral standard for us? This brings to my fourth and final point this morning, regarding the importance of marital faithfulness.

Now, as you may remember – I’ve briefly suggested a few things that may be partially motivating Jesus’s concern for marriage. For one thing, the institution of marriage is established by God. So it’s important to honor God by respecting his works. Certainly that’s part of it. And in addition to that, healthy marriages are important for healthy families. And healthy families are important for healthy societies, and human flourishing. So Jesus is likely concerned about marriage for our sake. Because he wants us to enjoy the social stability and wellness that results from faithful marriages. That could be a factor, as well.

But in addition to things like these, I want to highlight one reason in particular, why faithfulness in marriage would be such a priority in Jesus’s mind.

And that’s because marriage is supposed to show something. Marriage is an important method God has given for us to display the good news of Jesus’s faithfulness to his people. I think many people have the idea that marriage is simply a demonstration of love between bride and groom – that it doesn’t really have any meaning beyond that. But the Bible tells us that the covenant relationship of marriage is also intended to point to something more. In the second half of Ephesians, Chapter 5, practical instructions are given to married couples. Husbands are instructed to love their wives, and the wives are told to respect their husbands. And then in Ephesians 5:31, the very same passage is quoted from Genesis 2 that Jesus quoted here in Mark 9. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Clearly, there’s a concern for the right functioning of the marriage relationship. But notice the reason given, here, for why marriages are so important. In Ephesians 5:32, in the very next verse, it says, “This mystery [the mystery of marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” In other words, marriage has a special, mysterious purpose, in that it’s supposed to point to the enduring bond that Christ has established with his people. Long-lasting commitments in human marriages are intended to declare the long-lasting commitment of Jesus to us.

And this is why it’s so wrong to do violence against the marriage bond, or to look for loopholes to get out. Because that’s not how Jesus loves his bride. Jesus is in it for the long-haul. He’s never going to wake up one morning and decide he wants out, because his romantic feelings have gone away. But when he savingly sets his love on his people – that’s a bond that will never break. And, oh, there’s so much sweetness and comfort and safety in knowing this is the case. That same sort of sweetness and safety is supposed to be felt in our marriages. And so that’s what makes it such a tragedy, when marriage is despised – when it’s abused – when it ends in people trying to tear apart what God has joined together.

So as this relates to those of you who are married, I want to encourage you – as far as it depends on you, humbly seek to serve and love the person you’re married to. Now, your spouse may not always return the favor. And that’s hard. I get it. But, see, that’s not the point. The reason you’re called to love isn’t because your spouse deserves it. The reason you’re called to love is because your Savior has an enduring love for you. Though you were undeserving sinner – Jesus loved you anyway – as a gift, freely. And that’s the style of love that we’re called to put on display in our marriages. A free love, without conditions. A committed love, without grumbling. Marital faithfulness like this is important. Because it reflects the good news of Jesus’s faithfulness to his people.

Now, certainly – this doesn’t mean that everyone should become married, or that being single is wrong or second-class somehow. As a good counter-example, the apostle Paul was unmarried his whole life. And he spoke openly about the spiritual advantages of singleness. It grants a special freeness and flexibility to serve Christ and his people, whereas married people are under more constraint. So as a Church, it’s important to make sure we appreciate the value of both Christian marriage and Christian singleness. There are blessings in both.

But ultimately what matters in both cases – is to make sure that our lives are distinctly Christian. We need to live as followers of Jesus, receiving and believing what he says, even when it’s hard to accept. In this specific passage, Jesus teaches on divorce in a way that wouldn’t have been popular. Certainly now, too, many people would still find it controversial. And so we’re challenged with the same question that the twelve disciples were. Will we still follow Jesus, even when he teaches moral standards that are unpopular? Christians today are faced with the same question on a number of ethical issues. Am I committed to following what Jesus says on abortion? On euthanasia? On human sexuality and gender identity? Will I follow Jesus, even if he teaches that some part of my lifestyle is sinful?

It can be tempting to be offended by Jesus, or Christians, or the Bible. We may not like it when clear statements are made about sin – especially our sin. And yet Jesus doesn’t back away from this clear teaching. In this specific part of Mark’s gospel, he makes it clear that we can’t just hit a follow button for Jesus’s Instagram profile, and then wander off to lead ourselves. But following Jesus means we need to follow His Word – not our opinions or our emotions. We need our arrogance to be extinguished under an awareness of our sin. We need to understand that our ways are not God’s ways – and often we’re wrong. We need Jesus to lead us, if we’re going to find the right way. And so this calls for humility – a right humility before Christ. And this path of humility is the one that leads to greatness. This is the path that Jesus calls us into, for our good. So as we close, let’s ask that he would more and more incline our hearts to receive His Word with faith. Let’s pray:

Fellowship Reformed Church is a Bible-believing Presbyterian Church in Mt Pleasant, MI