Back in chapter 3 Paul told Timothy that he’s writing this letter “so that you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God.” In this passage Paul is telling Timothy that in God’s household, God’s family, how we ought to behave towards each other.

And in our passage, we’re focusing on Paul’s instructions on how pastors relate to men and women of different ages, and he especially focuses on how to treat widows in the church.

And we see that Christian honor is not based on age or class.

First, Paul tells Timothy how to relate to older men, younger men, older women, and younger women. Paul has been encouraging Timothy to carry out his responsibility to exhort and charge and command and teach.

Here he makes clear that you need to interact with different people wisely in order for instruction to be effective. He shouldn’t sharply rebuke, chastise older men. But he does still have a responsibility to exhort them.

That’s a difference between pagan instructions for how to behave with your elders. They focus just on honoring them. There is an attitude, that I think you’ll see out there as well for us today, that once people “do their time” they don’t have to listen to younger people. So you should just honor them and let them do their own thing.

But while you should treat older men and older women like mothers and fathers – lovingly, respectfully, Timothy, and other ministers still are called to encourage those older than them. Really it’s the same word that we translate “exhortation” in 4:13. Ministers are called to respect elders as they exhort. And elderly men and women are implicitly called to listen.

Now, pagan instructions for how to behave with younger people would say, “you treat them like your sons.” But notice, there’s more parity amongst Christians. You treat younger men and women, not like sons and daughters, but brothers and sisters.

Leaders should reflect humility. And you see this especially when you look at Peter’s writings. Peter, one of the apostles closest to Jesus while he was on earth. The leader in breaking the barrier between gentiles and Jews. And in 1 Peter 5 he writes to the elders in the church and calls himself a “fellow elder.” And he starts 2 Peter by addressing it to Christians as “those who have obtained a faith of equal standing with ours.” Whose faith has a better standing before God, the Apostle Peter, or Joe Christian? They’re equal. That’s the attitude Christians should have towards each other, esp. ministers.

Really this is just to say, we should look like Christ. If you remember from our morning service, Jesus, the Son of God, had such humility that he called those who do the will of God “my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35). If that’s how Jesus looks at other believers, when he has “all authority in heaven and on earth,” we all should treat each other with this familial respect.

Now Paul adds one thing regarding Timothy’s instruction to younger women. His interactions with them should be conducted “in all purity.” Paul doesn’t tell Timothy to fear younger women. To look at them as sources of temptation. That’s a dehumanizing distortion of this instruction. He still is called to shepherd them. To love them as sisters. But he adds “in all purity” to give appropriate caution to Timothy. Be wise, be careful. Men and women should honor each other in the church appropriately, and should pursue purity. Should have their eyes on honoring God above all.

Now in the rest of this section, Paul instructs Timothy on how to honor widows.

He first gives instructions on a family’s responsibility to care for their own in verses 3-8, and then explains what it should look like for the church to support widows in verses 9-16.

You might not expect this to take up so much of Paul’s letter. If you wanted to write brief letter on how to run a church, would you make the bulk of one chapter dedicated to caring for widows? Probably not.

But it reflects the reality that God is consistently called a God who cares for the outcasts. The widowed and orphans. James 1:27 says that “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction.” (call to worship, Jesus on cross John 19:26-27). We reflect the character of God when we care for orphans and widows and those in need.

But, caring for widows does not mean that the church should financially support every widow. Families have a responsibility to care for their own. So Paul tells Timothy to honor widows who are truly widows. He doesn’t mean to downplay the suffering of women who lose a husband and have a family. But he’s saying that in the truest sense, he thinks of “widows” as someone who has no support network when they lose their husband.

But widows with children or grandchildren ought to care for their parents. He says in verse 4 that there is a sense in which caring for aging parents is repaying them for raising you.

Kids: remember that. I hope some day you will see how much your parents did pour into you and sacrifice for you. I hope you count it an honor to one day care for them in their old age. That’s a family responsibility.

This doesn’t mean that in our current day families must have aging parents live with them, but they must make sure they are cared for. And “cared for” doesn’t just mean paying the bills for them to be in a nursing home or assisted living. Making sure your parents’ holistic needs are met. That could still be at a nursing home, but it may well mean that families rearrange their lives to care for ageing parents. It’s a way of honoring them. It’s a must for a Christian.

Paul in fact has pretty strong words for professing Christians who don’t care for their parents. Verse 8: “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

God really thinks family ties are important. And he’s commanded us to honor our parents. And back then, if a woman lost her husband, she usually didn’t have a good way to support herself. No life insurance policies, no nursing facilities, few reputable livings were available. So if you’re family to a widow, you need to care for her or she will not make it.

So it reflects a certain hard-heartedness to not care for a mom or relative. And if pagans who didn’t have God’s word recognized the importance of caring for family members, then if you have God’s word and you don’t care for your family, you are worse than unbelievers.

So that’s the responsibility families have to care for widows in their family. Paul expects family to be the first line of support for widows. Christians shouldn’t assume that the church should foot the bill and care for their relatives. As he says in verse 16, talking about female relatives who would care for widows, “Let the church not be burdened.”

So what does a true widow look like? Verse 5: she has been  “left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day” So again, she has no support network, is trusting in God, and devotes herself to prayer.

So Paul is looking for widows to be supported by the church who have good Christian character. They hope in God, they pray continually. And, looking at verse 10, they should have a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

And they should be elderly women. Women at least 60 years old. These are the kind of women who the church should seek to support.

And it’s very possible that as part of this support, these widows would be in some ways working for the church. There’s no indication here that they had particular duties. But given that they have been examples of good works in the past, I think it makes sense that Paul has in mind a way for the church to support widows and by supporting them, enable them to serve in the ways they have in the past.

That’s actually an incredible way to honor widows. To say, “You’re not washed up. You’re not discarded. You actually have the financial support of the church that enables you to continue serving in the church.” That honors someone. It shows them that they have worth.

So there appears to be some semi-formal expectation that widows, seasoned, godly women, who are on church support would do some work for the church in some capacity or other.

But there’s also things to watch out for when it comes to supporting widows. There are some widows who might use widowhood to break free from restraints and live for themselves, self-indulgently, for pleasure, as Paul says in verse 6. Women who are living a spiritually bankrupt life after becoming widows. These women are “dead while they live” either because they are spiritually dead, or because they are living like they are spiritually dead – unfruitful.

These aren’t the people you support with the resources of the church. Charity in the church, to its members, is not about funding any lifestyle, but about enabling Christian sisters (in this case) to continue and increase in their fruitfulness.

Paul also mentions concerns about younger widows. You shouldn’t enroll younger widows, for two reasons. 1. Concerns around remarriage (v11-12), and concerns around idleness (v13).

The Second issue I think makes sense. Someone supported by the church who isn’t mature in their faith, partly just because they are younger, can become idle. And they might just spend their time going about to houses, gossiping. Paul is again concerned that Timothy be discerning in the kind of person that the church supports.

Quick side note: this isn’t Paul stereotyping women. In 2 Thess 3:6, 11 Paul concerned about “brothers” being idle busybodies.

Remarriage issue raises more questions.

It’s clear Paul doesn’t think it’s wrong for younger widows to remarry. He says that he would have them remarry and raise families in v14.

Some people think that these widows, when they came to be supported by the church, made pledges to not remarry and devote their service to the church, and so remarrying would be breaking their vow.

I do think that these women did serve in the church, and I think the genius of this strategy is supporting godly widows would multiply ministry and service, especially among other women.

But it’s not clear such a vow was made, and the strong language of condemnation, “abandoning their former or “first” faith in v12, and reference to some “straying after Satan” in v15 seems to imply something more severe (not to under-value the seriousness of keeping vows).

Clearly Paul does want to avoid “occasion for slander” (v14). So part of what could be in view is the idea that the church supports young women who go about to people’s houses and end up getting married. The idea of a woman who is supposed to be serving in the church getting paid for it and then finding a new mate could leave the church open to slanderous claims. “Those church women.”

It’s also possible, related to this, that remarriage to unbelievers may be in view. Women get support from the church, but they care more about being married again than they care about Christ’s will for their lives, and so instead of serving him, they find a new husband regardless of his faith.

What is clear is that he is concerned for younger women that would be supported by the church, and then in the course of events, their physical, sensual desires draw them away from Christ (v11). That happens first. Then they pursue marriage. Their hearts are running from Christ, and so the marriage they pursue, whatever that looks like, is not Christ-honoring, but rather puts them in a place where they stand condemned.

And apparently, as Paul indicates in verse 15, he’s seen this happen. Women who were supported by the church, who Paul and others hoped would richly bless others through humble service. But Paul has seen them fall away from the faith because they cared more about satisfying their fleshly appetite.

So that’s Paul’s reasoning about caring for widows. He wants families to care for family members, and elderly women, who are proven and godly, to receive honor and support from the church, so that they can continue in their service of prayer and good deeds.

Quick implications for how to do ministry amongst the needy.

1. We are called to care for the needy.
2. People and churches have spheres of responsibility when it comes to caring for the needy.
   1. Family
   2. Church members (family)
   3. Church family farther away (2 Cor 8, 9) – strong encouragement to give generously, but not a command.
   4. All people (Gal 6:10 – as we have opportunity)
3. Caveat to that: not excusing us from showing mercy. The call is not for us to be “tight-fisted” and get slightly less tight fisted the closer the need is. The call is to be merciful and generous, and to wisely prioritize how you use resources. Sometimes, for example, Good Samaritan, you address immediate needs for people not in your immediate sphere of closest responsibility. Jesus did this a fair amount.
4. Why this kind of thinking is necessary: we have limited resources. And we want to steward them in a way that glorifies Christ.
5. Why we aim for caring for the whole person, and considering the whole person when we care. We’re Pursuing Christ’s honor, the church’s purity, and people’s holiness.