What Is An Ideal Woman Like?
January 26, 2025

What Is An Ideal Woman Like?

Preacher:
Passage: Proverbs 31:10-31
Service Type:

What Does the Bible Say about Being a Woman?

What Is an Ideal Woman Like?

What does it mean to be a good wife? What should young men be looking for in a spouse? What ideas about being a woman should society be promoting? As we finish up our series in the book of Proverbs, these are the types of questions that God addresses in the text, here. And God’s wisdom for us here really is good.

So if you have a Bible nearby, please turn with me to Proverbs, Chapter 31. I’ll be reading verses 10 through 31. But before I read the text tonight, please pray with me:

[PRAY AND READ TEXT]

The Uncommon Excellence of a Wise Woman

Even though I jumped right into verse 10, it’s important to point out that these verses are part of a larger section that began back at the beginning of the Chapter. In verse 1, we’re told that these are “the words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him.” So these words are an oracle – words from God. And at the same time, the words that I just read are coming from a godly mother, who cares about her son. She doesn’t want her son to get caught up in wrong ways of thinking, with the wrong type of women – but instead she wants her son to be directed by wisdom from heaven.

And that’s why, right away in verse 10, we see this question: “An excellent wife who can find?” The very fact that this question is being raised in the first place tells us that finding an excellent wife is a challenge. It requires wisdom that most young men don’t already have. And throughout the rest of the text, God himself reveals for young men, for young ladies, for husbands, for wives, and for society in general – he reveals what being an excellent wife truly means.

I’ll be working through the whole text, but I will especially be focusing on verses 30 and 31, because these two verses are a powerful summary of the whole chapter. And I’ll work through the text by answering three questions. First, what qualities in a wife are excellent? Second, what qualities in a wife are empty? And third, what care should we show toward excellent women?

What qualities in a wife are excellent?

So first, what qualities in a wife are excellent? The Bible has a lot to say here. Really, from verses 11 through 29, what we have is a long, multi-part description of what this excellence looks like. We’ll tap into that in a minute, but I actually want to start in verse 30 – because again – verses 30 and 31 are a summary of the final take-home message we’re supposed to walk away with. Everything that we read in verses 11 through 29 culminates in the final statement that’s given at the end. Notice here, after verse 30 says that charm is deceitful and beauty is vain – it tells us, “But a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” So this is the summary statement of what it means to be an excellent woman – she will be someone who fears the LORD.

By this, the Bible isn’t saying that the woman will be terrified of God. Instead, it means that this woman will have a right respect for God’s authority and greatness. She’ll humble herself before His Word. She’ll set God’s priorities above her own. She won’t view herself as being entitled to special treatment from God, but she’ll view God as being entitled to special treatment from her. Or to put it most simply – she will live her life with the happy conviction that God is truly and actually God.

And this is the defining characteristic that makes a woman excellent. Fearing the Lord isn’t just mixed in with all the other descriptions, as though it’s no more important than the rest. But it’s as essential to excellent womanhood as tomatoes are to tomato soup. If you take the bread off your sandwich, it ceases to be a sandwich. And in a similar regard, if you take away the fear of the Lord from a woman – it takes away the essence of all true excellence.

And this seems to be at least partially because the fear of the Lord is the driving motivation that produces all an excellent wife’s activities and attitudes. The fear of the Lord is the electricity that powers the lightbulb’s light. It’s the fuel that generates the furnace’s heat. All the things that we read about in verses 11 through 29 are visible evidences that this woman is driven by a high regard for God’s power and glory. And that’s why the whole passage is summed up by that simple statement in verse 30 – that the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

So let’s take a look, now, at verses 11 through 29. When a woman is an excellent wife who fears the Lord, what does that look like?

The first thing we should notice here is that the text gives a lot of attention to the excellent wife’s work ethic. Her industriousness is directly spoken about in verses 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21, 22, 24, and finally, also, in verse 27: “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” By the time we get through the passage, it should be pretty clear to us: an excellent wife knows how to work.

But there’s more to the story here. Because as these verses tell us how she carries out her work, we begin to learn more about her character and qualities. There are five additional features of an excellent wife that I want to point out here.

First, an excellent wife is trustworthy – as Verse 11 says “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” The excellent wife carries out her work with consistency. When she says she’s going to do something, she takes that responsibility seriously. She isn’t getting distracted, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. She isn’t procrastinating, or leaving key tasks unfinished. But in her work, she makes it clear that she is reliable.

Second, the excellent wife is kind and generous. In everything that she does, she works for the good of others. She has a particular concern for her family. She seeks the good of her husband, and supports him. We see that in verse 12. She seeks the good of her household, and her children – that’s indicated in verse 27. But her kindness and generosity also looks out into the community. It’s suggested, here, that the excellent wife is engaged in her work so that she’ll have resources to share with the poor. Verse 20: “She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy.” As this woman is working, she isn’t thinking, “I want to prove to everyone how excellent I am! Her goal isn’t to draw attention to herself, or to earn extra money to indulge herself with an online shopping spree. But she works because she’s genuinely seeking the good of other people – even when it costs her sleep and comfort. As verse 15 says, “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.”

And third, related to this, it may be surprising to see here – the excellent wife works willingly. Verse 13 says, “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.” She isn’t being coerced into her work, by a sense of guilt, or reluctant duty, or because her husband is nagging her. But she enters into her work because she wants to. So there’s a cheerfulness in her work – a pleasantness about it. When she’s doing the grocery shopping or cooking, she isn’t grumbling. If she’s engaged in some sort of side-job to help make ends meet in the home, she isn’t bitter. Whenever she cleans up after houseguests or family members, she doesn’t have a resentful heart. Instead, she is genuinely willing to carry out her daily tasks.

Fourth, the excellent wife is thoughtful and discerning. The excellent wife, here, doesn’t make decisions impulsively, based off of instincts or feelings. But she thinks carefully first, as we see in verse 16: “She considers a field and buys it.” We also see her thoughtfulness described in verse 26: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” An excellent wife thinks before she speaks. She has discernment, such that when she speaks, she isn’t just venting her emotions, or asserting her opinion, or trying to show off how in-the-know she is about the latest gossip. Instead, when she speaks, she’s giving wisdom, and she’s teaching kindness – by the content of what she says, and by the manner in which she speaks.

Fifth, the excellent wife is confident and hopeful rather than anxious. Part of this is because she takes steps to prepare her household from a variety of unexpected circumstances. Verse 21 says, “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.” (She’s not afraid of negative 15 windchills, because she dresses her household in thick winter coats). But the other side of this is that this excellent wife is confident about the future because she has adorned herself with godly character. Verse 25 says, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Being guided by the fear of God, the excellent wife has found a form of clothing that prepares her for the future even better than a winter coat. These attributes that supremely belong to God – strength and dignity, or glory – are the things she seeks after to give her confidence for the future.

So God makes it clear to us here that the things that make a woman excellent are related to her character. What does her integrity look like, when no one else is looking. How does she use the resources that God has given her? Does this woman fear the LORD? That’s what matters.

What qualities in a woman are empty?

But in addition to telling us the qualities that make a wife excellent, this passage also points out the qualities in a wife that are ultimately empty. This is the second question I want to briefly address – what qualities in a wife are empty?

This question is directly answered by verse 30. When it comes to assessing the excellence of women, there are certain metrics that are ultimately meaningless. God’s Word says that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain.

When the Bible mentions charm here, it’s referring to those general qualities of someone’s personality that makes them likeable. And there’s a certain extent to which this is simply a quality that certain people are born with more than others. Some people might have a way of communicating that immediately puts you at ease. Or perhaps they come across as really warm, or they have an attractive self-confidence that makes you feel popular, just by being around them. In whatever case, certain women may very well be charming in a way that other ladies aren’t.

But even though a woman might be charming – or as we might say today, even if a woman has a “nice personality,” or she’s “really funny and likeable” – it doesn’t tell her what the condition of her heart is like. Eventually, you’ll need to come to terms with what’s under the surface – and in many cases, beneath that charming personality is a soul that’s out of alignment with God. It’s possible to seem very bubbly on the outside, but on the inside to be overwhelmed with anxiety, or motivated by envy, or to be spiritually complacent. And that’s why we are urged here to keep in mind – charm is deceitful. Because in many ways, a charming personality can mask the true condition of a woman’s heart.

But in addition to this, the text goes on to tell us that beauty is vain – physical beauty is vapor – that’s what the text is literally saying. Not only is physical beauty itself temporary and unstable – with the effects of aging, and our vulnerabilities to scarring and weight fluctuations, and all the rest – but there’s even an extent to which our appreciation of beauty can fluctuate. The true mark of excellence in a woman isn’t connected to the natural appearance of her body – after all, she did nothing to contribute to it. Instead, excellence is connected to what a woman does with whatever body God has given her – how she lives out her high regard for God’s authority and goodness – that’s what matters. That’s what lasts.

What care should we show toward excellent women?

And here, at the end of the text, we’re given some instructions about how we treat excellent women, when we see them. This is the third question I want to address here: What care should we show toward excellent women?

There are three ways we should honor them, based on what we see in the text. First, from verse 30: “A women who fears the LORD is to be praised.” We see an example of this in verses 28 and 29: “Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” We should speak highly of women who are visibly living out their faith. We should make sure that our children and grandchildren have an idea of who excellent women and role models are around us here in our church in Mount Pleasant, MI, and elsewhere. We should encourage these women with our affirmations and encouragements.

And verse 31 goes on to tell us we should also “give her the fruit of her hands.” In other words, we should allow excellent women to enjoy the good results of her labor. Sometimes, the reward comes somewhat automatically – the reward for cooking a meal is the enjoyment of good food. The reward for stitching together a new blanket is that she now has a new blanket. But there are other ways this could apply, too. Husbands, and kids – you, too. If mom has worked hard to tidy up the house, then you should allow her to enjoy a clean house. Don’t make new messes. Clean up after yourselves. Give her the chance to enjoy a clean house. And kids – here’s another important thought. If you have a mom who has cared for you, and is raising you up into adulthood, then you should be prepared to care for your mom in her old age. There are other ways this might look – but the point here is that we should give excellent women the fruit of their hard work.

Third, and finally, in reference to the excellent woman, we’re told to let her works praise her in the gates. We see this in the end of verse 31. The good works of God-fearing woman should be publicly known and commended. When a woman is a diligent mother and manager of the home, we should be quick to comment that this is an honorable thing. And the text also indicates that when a wife has bandwidth beyond this, to learn new skills and start new enterprises, and to investigate ways to serve needs in the community – the text tells us that these, also, should be publicly appreciated as works that are noble and commendable.

But I want to wrap up our treatment of the text by giving a few final remarks, to help us apply the text here well.

First, for those of you who are women: make it your ambition to fear the Lord. Humble your heart under his power and glory. I’m aware, for some of you, this description of the ideal, excellent woman in Proverbs 31 may cause you to feel insecurity or discouragement, because it just reminds you of the many ways you already feel like you’re failing. For others of you, though, especially if you have an unusually high capacity for work, you might read over the list here and feel a certain level of self-importance. By your estimation, you’ve hit the bar of what it means to be an excellent woman, and you secretly what other people to notice, and be impressed. But in either case – if you’re responding in either of those two ways – you’re missing the point.

Because the excellent woman isn’t focused on herself, or on her performance. Her goal isn’t to draw attention to herself. But she instead does all that she does out of reverence for her Lord – she wants to serve the one who loved her, and saved her, and has promised to take care of her. So for my sisters in the room here – don’t get caught up in the work itself, or in the constant temptation to live for the approval of people. But set your heart on your God. Be a woman who actively, legitimately is motivated by the Lordship of Jesus, to love him and live for him. “The woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

For young men in the room – for those who are unmarried – as you’re trying to determine the kind of woman you want to marry, be humble enough to hear the words of verse 30, here. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is vain.” Look for a bride who has true excellence – the excellence of a new heart, devoted to God. That’s the sort of real excellence that will last. And all the while, make it your ambition, to be a God-fearing man yourself – the type of man that a God-fearing wife would be attracted to.

Finally, for men in the room who are already married: before you use this text as a measuring stick to point out all the ways that your wife falls short, keep in mind that there are plenty of Proverbs in Chapters 1 through 30 that there several hundred our pieces of wisdom you haven’t mastered yet, either. But even more than that – make sure you see the point of the text. The aim of Proverbs 31 isn’t to lead us into critiquing subpar women. But it’s leading us to commend our wives – to point out and celebrate the ways they have done excellently. So let’s praise excellence when we see it. Let’s promote excellence in our families and community. And let’s pray for excellence, wherever it’s still lacking. Please pray with me: