Virtual Friendship
When I was a kid, I distinctly remember that for a short season I pretended that I had an imaginary friend. My pretend friend was named Ben. He had blonde hair and freckles. He was in a wheelchair. But at the end of the day, I wasn’t all that satisfied with the illusory fantasy of my friendship with Ben. I wanted something more substantial, and sought out deeper relationships and experiences with actual people.
Today, however, the phenomenon of “imaginary friend” has taken a new form. We now have “virtual friends.” Though there may be a real person on the other side of the screen, the interactions we have with them are far less direct, far less personal, and far less meaningful. Never in the history of the world have we been connected to so many people. But never in the history of the world have our relationships with other people been so superficial.
We may have many social media followers, but do they really care about us? Or are they just hoping to use the connection for professional advancement or to counter their own gnawing sense of loneliness? We may feel affinities to certain celebrities, influencers, and bloggers who are passionate for the same things we are, but this falls far short of friendship. Flourishing interpersonal trust, love, and loyalty haven’t been the natural outcomes of the virtual revolution. What we need is to have real interactions with real people in the real world.
The Imperative of Personhood
One reason why we need fellowship is simply because we are people. The Bible explains that all people are made in the likeness of the universe’s Creator (Genesis 1:26-27), it informs that this divine Creator engages in fellowship (2 Corinthians 13:14, 1 John 1:1-4), and that being alone isn’t good for people (Genesis 2:18). We desire social connectedness because of who we are as human persons.
This doesn’t mean, however, that all relationships are beneficial. The world is fixed with broken families, toxic dating relationships, and betrayed trust. And the reason these experiences are so traumatic is because relationships are such a integral component of human life. Because social interactions are so important to shaping our life, we need healthy relationships. But what does this look like?
The Ideal Fellowship
The best of friends has laid down his life for us as an example for us to follow: “In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and gave his son to be the propitiation for our sin. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:10-11).
Fellowship isn’t a cheap plastic toy to be used once and thrown away. Fellowship is a bond of timeless loyalty, in which people stand by each other, know each other, and are committed to each others’ good.
Sometimes fellowship like this takes the form of affirmation. But real fellowship is multi-dimensional. Real friends will give encouragements and compliments, but real friends will also raise questions and concerns. Friendship is a safe place – an important place – for people who know your tendencies to protect you from your own bad ideas and instincts. Real fellowship includes both hearty compliments and hard conversations – because friends will care enough to speak.
God invites us into real fellowship with him. He knows us. He has words for us to hear in Scripture, all for our well-being. And he has opened the way into his eternal presence through the work of Jesus Christ, who laid down his life in our place, so we could rise with him to new life.
