What Are You Teaching Your Children?
If you’re a parent, I’d hazard to guess that you have a deep affection for each child in your family. You want what’s best for your children. But if someone were to ask you about your goals in parenting – what’re your teaching your children, or what type of human being you’re training them to become – it’s quite possible that you’d have a hard time putting your thoughts in to words.
As a parent, what should your goal be? If it’s unclear what you’re striving for in your parenting, the path to accomplishing your goal will be even less clear. So before you continue to aimlessly roll ahead, let’s take some time to consider what the Bible says about parenting.
A Primer on Christian Education
If you open the Bible to the book of Proverbs, you’ll notice that the book has been written from the perspective of a father writing to his son(s). He’s setting out to educate them. Proverbs 1:8, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” In Proverbs 2:1 and 3:1, the father likewise addresses his children, to instruct them. And if you read Proverbs 4:1-9, you’ll see that teaching your children to love wisdom is the core curriculum of Biblical parenting.
Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”
This passage makes it clear what you should be emphasizing as you’re teaching your children. You and I should be parents who love and seek after wisdom ourselves. We should pay attention to the lives of noble men and women who have come before us, including our parents, and should learn from their examples. And we should be diligent to urge our children to get wisdom. Because the very first step toward becoming a wise human being is to get wisdom: “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.”
Teaching Your Children Wisdom
As Americans, we often have a limited understanding of what it means to educate our children. We assume that education is simply about teachings facts, and formulas, and literacy. We think that education is really just for building up the intellect. But properly understood, education is much bigger than this. Your children also need to learn what’s virtuous and what’s valuable. They need to learn how to discern the strength of arguments, how to weigh risks, and how to orient their life priorities. In short, you need to be teaching your children wisdom.
Proverbs 9:10 – “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” If our children are going to learn true wisdom, the first thing we need to teach them is to fear the LORD. This doesn’t mean we’re teaching our kids to think of God as being “scary.” Instead, we need to teach our kids to respect God’s supreme authority. They need to learn that God’s Word matters. His commands are binding. His promises are certain. His sovereign dominion over the universe is unassailable. We must teach our kids that God uniquely deserves our highest allegiance and worship.
Children Learn From What You Do and Don’t Say
And in order to do this well, you need to keep in mind how children learn. Children will learn from what you say. If you constantly speak about losing weight, your children will likely be trained to think that having a slim body is of supreme importance. If you talk a lot about budgets and financial planning, your children will be fixated on money. If you constantly talk about sports, your children will conclude that athleticism is one of the highest callings someone could pursue in life. Your words are teaching your children. So you may want to take some time to reflect – what are you teaching them to value?
But you also need to understand, your children will learn from what you don’t say. If you aren’t regularly thanking God in your home, or praying, or talking about the work of Jesus Christ, your kids will likely grow up thinking that these things are irrelevant. If you’re never acknowledging your wrongdoings and asking for forgiveness, your children will assume that “mature” people never admit their mistakes. Your words matter, and they’re an important part of the education of your children.
Children Learn from What You Do and Don’t Do
Your children will also learn by what you do and don’t do. If you spend hours every day dabbling on your smartphone or lazing around in front of the TV, your children will be encouraged to pursue comfort and entertainment instead of self-sacrifice and service. If you don’t prioritize attending a church, or meeting with other Christians to grow deeper in the faith, your kids will learn from you that commitment to a Christian community is inconsequential. Your manner of life is a textbook that your children are constantly studying. Either they will watch you and learn wisdom, or they will watch you and learn foolishness. What are you teaching your children?
Children Learn from What Other Voices Say
Yet you also have to be aware – you may not be the only educator that your children are learning from. Many Americans send their children away to private or public schools during the day, where they’ll be learning from the words and actions of others. Their perspectives and priorities will likely be shaped by their teachers, by their classmates, and by the curriculum. It’s possible that the people in your child’s school system will reinforce your virtues and values as a parent. But you need to understand, many school systems are not concerned about supporting your perspectives in the classroom. They are instead committed to teaching alternative forms of “wisdom” that deviate from a Christian worldview. Many of the voices that come through television programming and social media will likewise promote foolishness rather than virtue. What voices are your children most commonly hearing and learning from?
Take Responsibility to Be Teaching Your Children Wisdom
As a parent, you have a responsibility to know what you’re aiming for in your children’s education, and to take the right steps toward that goal. Make sure that godly wisdom is a priority, and that you have a plan to foster it. In certain instances, your best option may be to enroll your child in a public or private school for teaching math, spelling, and other academic subjects. But be aware, you’ll probably have to be much more intentional to make sure your child is growing in godly wisdom when they’re with you at home. For this reason, many people have opted to homeschool their children. Yet it’s important to remember that homeschooling, in and of itself, doesn’t guarantee that your children will learn true wisdom. Parents still have to teach it – both by their words, and by their examples.
Parents who are seeking to walk in faithful obedience to Christ may at times disagree on the best way to approach education. (The purpose of this article isn’t to argue for a certain approach). But in all circumstances, God wants you and I to prioritize the pursuit of wisdom. Make sure that your kids know that your greatest concern for them, in their education, is that they would rightly relate to the God who made them, who sent His Son to die for their sin, and who calls them to repentance and faith. Teach your children to love wisdom.
